i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
