Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Blood and glitter go together right?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
