This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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