I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
