i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
