so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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