You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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