I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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