she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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