so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
