i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
