my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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