So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
