hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
