If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize