i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
