took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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