i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
porn star boner night. come get it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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