how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
