My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
