Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
