Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
