why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
