I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
