I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
