I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Holy shit dude........stairs
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
