the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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