As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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