Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
