I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
