Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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