Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
