i just wanna soil my oats bro
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
