so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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