Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
