i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
