Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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