I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
