billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
