You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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