dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I pour the whiskey from now on
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
