i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
