He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
