his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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