Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
