at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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