um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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