He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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