Jerry, you need to find god
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
