Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
